3 Ways to Combat Self-Limiting Beliefs

Who told you you couldn't?

For me, it wasn't just one entity. Several entities took turns telling me I wasn't good enough in their own little ways. Some were abrubt and obvious. Others exuded excellent skill in maintaining their passive-aggressive facade.

When I announced I wanted to join the Air Force, my stepfather actually laughed. He told me I'd never be able to handle a drill sargeant screaming at me, then pressed his index finger into a pressure point near my neck, dropping me into a puddle on the floor.

That same man went out and bought a new truck 30 minutes after I showed him my new (used) car, stating "no daughter of mine is going to have something better than me."

When I was selling an all-natural food supplement and fitness programs, my stepmother wouldn't share my posts because she "was happy in her fat glory". She later shared a post from a friend who was selling a chemically saturated product that was simply added to water and boasted weight loss results would follow.

When I published a novel,my then-partner wouldn't share the accomplishment with his friends and family, even though the sales growth that would have come could have helped our family.

Growing up, I loved to organize and sort. I rearranged my mother's kitchen numerous times to make it easier for her to navigate. She told me I should start a business some day. When the day came that I bought my business license, her response was, " Well, what'd you do that for?"

It seemed like every time I had an ambition, someone in my immediate circle had a reason why it wouldn't be a good idea. Their doubts were enough to make me quit before I even started.

I was the worst kind of failure there was - the kind that didn't even try. I just fell right into the trap of self-limiting beliefs. Their voices have become my voice, echoing all the reasons why I'm not good enough and how every idea is a dumb one.

Self-limiting beliefs are deeply ingrained thoughts and assumptions we have about ourselves and the world that hold us back from achieving our goals and reaching our full potential. They are often not based on fact, but rather on interpretations and conclusions drawn from our experiences.

​Self-limiting beliefs can stem from a variety of sources, including:

​Childhood and upbringing: Many of our core beliefs are formed when we are young. Messages from family, friends, teachers, and society about our abilities, worth, and what is possible can shape our worldview.

​Past negative experiences: A painful failure or rejection can lead us to believe we are incapable or undeserving of success, causing us to avoid similar situations in the future as a defense mechanism.

​Fear and the brain's protective instinct: Our brains are wired to protect us from pain, both physical and emotional. Self-limiting beliefs can develop as a way to avoid potential discomfort, embarrassment, or failure.

​Social and media influences: The beliefs of our peers, the values instilled by our culture, and messages from the media can contribute to our self-perceptions and what we believe is possible for us.

These self-limiting beliefs didn't just effect my professional goals. These words became an atomic bomb that flood toxins into my beliefs on who I was as a human.

The same people who didn't believe in me have also called me a bitch and said I'm not a good person.

And then it became clear. They just didn't like me. And someone who doesn't like you will almost always do three things:

- Avoid supporting your success
- Support your competition
- Recruit others to deny support

When I was able to eliminate the self-destructive thought that I was just this terrible, horrible, no-good person who didn't deserve success - well, I know you'd love to hear that I success skyrocketed. It didn't.

It allowed me to blame those who have caused irreparable damage to not only my nervous system, but my professional and personal growth. It allowed me to not just be a victim, but to sit in the wading pool of despair. It wasn't my fault, right?

But it was. I never did the work to not believe the words they never should have said in the first place. I just took their words at face value, believing the harsh backlash was because of generational differences, but nonetheless the truth.

Don't get me wrong, while I take accountability for my lack of owning my free will, some experiences should not happen. I’ve fought against their misconceptions and lies about who I was as a person, but held right to their words of doubt in my ability.

ICYMI: If ADHD had a favorite snack, it'd be something slathered in self-doubt and sprinkled with self-sabotage.

I know I'm meant to run my own business. But I've been completely lost on the what. Every idea I have is immediately echoed with the reminder than I can't. Everything boils down to helping others succeed. My success is the success of others.

And for me to do that, I had to do the work - I had to find a way to believe that I could do it. Below you'll find three techniques I continue to use every time those demons want to dance:

​Three Ways to Combat Self-Limiting Beliefs

​Overcoming these beliefs requires a conscious effort to challenge and reframe them. Here are three effective ways to combat self-limiting beliefs:

​Identify and challenge the belief:

The first step is to become aware of the specific belief that is holding you back. When you have a negative thought, stop and question it. Ask yourself:

​Is this belief a fact or just an assumption?
What evidence do I have to support this belief?
Is there any evidence that contradicts this belief?
Where did this belief come from?

By questioning the validity of your beliefs, you can begin to see that they are not absolute truths and their foundations may be flawed.

​Reframe your narrative and practice positive self-talk:

Once you have identified a limiting belief, work to create a new, more empowering belief. Replace negative self-talk with constructive and realistic statements. For example, instead of saying, "I'm not good at public speaking," you could say, "I'm still learning and improving my public speaking skills." This shift in language can help you change your perspective and focus on growth rather than perceived limitations.

​Take small, intentional actions:

Overcoming limiting beliefs requires action, not just thought. Start by setting small, achievable goals that directly challenge the belief. For instance, if you believe you're bad at networking, try to have one short conversation with a new person at an event. Each small success you experience provides evidence that contradicts your old belief and reinforces your new, empowering one. Celebrating these victories, no matter how small, helps build momentum and confidence.